I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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