Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
