it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
