Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
