can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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