Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
