you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
