seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
