saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
