If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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