Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
