Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
