Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
