dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
