I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
