She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
