i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
