we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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