Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
