is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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