I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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