It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
