i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
