She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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