literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
