maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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