Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is wine microwaveable?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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