Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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