I wish I could punch you in the face.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
