How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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