Having a random hookup so left but love u
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
