God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
