I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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