Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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