You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
