you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
