Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
