i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
