I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
