this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Drunk is not a location!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
