What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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