Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
