the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
3 2 1 whiskey
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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