he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
