just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
