You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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