GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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