thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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