i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
