there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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