my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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