we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
