will power is for people who don't want to get laid
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
