so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
