sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
