roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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