were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
