have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
