i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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