For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
